A Style Invitational wrap-up ... and some good news

The Washington Post dropped us, but the Invitational will live again -- on Substack. Plus winners of our Ask Backwards contest.

Alas, The Washington Post has pulled the plug on The Style Invitational, after 1,518 weeks of reader-generated irreverent humor and wordplay. BUT! As Donald Trump would say, we have a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT, and it’s not $99 trading cards of the Empress and the Czar as superheroes. My predecessor The Czar, Gene Weingarten, has started a blog on Substack — The Gene Pool — at GeneWeingarten.substack.com, and will be reviving his popular online live chat — along with a continuation of the Invitational (not affiliated with The Post) run by the two of us, Czar and Empress. There will be a few differences, but at least to start, the contest will be much the same — but without censors. It should start up in the first week of 2023.

It’ll be free to read, and to begin with, also free to participate — both the chat and the Invite. Eventually, both the chat and the Invite will still be free to read, but $5/month (or $50/year) to participate.

Here’s a link to Gene’s opening essay — you can sign right up from there.

And thanks to so, so many of you who wrote in to The Post to show support for The Invitational.

— Pat Myers, deposed Empress of The Style Invitational

Asky Characters: Readers’ picks for Week 1514

Last week we used the (suddenly) last Style Invitational column to showcase a selection of greatest hits from the Invite’s 29.75 years, which means it bumped the results of our recurring (41st!) Ask Backwards contest, in which we provide the “answers” and the joke is in the form of a question. So instead, I posted a winnowed-down list of the 1,400 entries and let readers vote in the comments thread. I invited Gene Weingarten to choose his favorites as well. So here are the readers’ favorites. (I’m not offering my own choices on this one.)

Fourth place: Answer: Still a Googlenope.
Question: What is “I'm sure Herschel Walker isn't my father”?  (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Third place: A. The iPhone 29 Pro.
Q. What will be released one week after I buy an iPhone 28 Pro?  (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) 

Second place: A. A Leaf Blower and a Garden Slug.
Q. What do you need in order to make West Virginia Escargot?  (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.) 

And the readers’ favorite:

A. Rutabaga Ginsburg.
Q. Who was known as The Nutritious RBG?  (Roy Ashley, Washington, D.C.)  I had said that I wouldn’t be giving out prizes this week, but I have this Rutabaga Ginsburg T-shirt, and so I’m going to give it to Roy, who was 26 blots short of reaching the 500-ink Invite Hall of Fame.)

Missed Q’s: Honorable Mentions

Others with multiple votes — including those that some people declared their favorites of all the entries:

A. Vegan Bone Broth. Q. Are vegans good for anything?  (Jeff Contompasis) [This was the Czar’s favorite.]

Rutabaga Ginsburg. Q. What’s good for moral fiber?  (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.) 

A. 42 Minutes. Q. What TV news show employed Rose Mary Woods as an editor before she joined the Nixon White House?  (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.)  (“And mathematically accurate,” noted one reader)

A. 42 Minutes. Q. How long will a 13-year-old boy remain aroused after hearing the word “boobies”?  (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.) 

A. 42 Minutes. Q. What’s the meaning of “sec” in “I’ll be ready in a sec”? (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church, Va.)

A. 42 Minutes. Q. According to the new history curriculum guidelines proposed by the Virginia Department of Education, how long did slavery last?  (Lee Graham, Reston, Va.) 

A. 42 Minutes. Q. In a “significant concession,” the GOP’s new abortion bill will allow the procedure at up to what age of gestation? (Hannah Seidel, Alexandria, Va.)

A. 42 Minutes. Q. According to the new Twitter employee manual, what is a vacation day? (Frank Mann, Washington, D.C.)

A. Leaf Blower and a Garden Slug. Q. What are the only things loudly blowing more hot air, and oozing more slime, than Donald Trump? (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)

A. National Bubble Radio. Q. What network does Nina Totenburp work for? (Richard Friedman, Silver Spring, Md.)

A. Sunset, Sunrise. Q. What do you see while waiting for customer service to pick up?    (Andy Promisel, Fairfax, Va.) 

A. A blue check. Q. What kind of dress should I wear with ruby slippers?  (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.) 

A. National Bubble Radio. A. What is a sud-sidiary of the Carbonation for Public Broadcasting?  (Aaron Trombka, Silver Spring, Md.)

A. A Bad Name for an Ikea Product: What is the Häirinpüllin EZ Shelf System?  (Leif Picoult, Rockville, Md.) 

A. A leaf blower and a garden slug. Q. What are anagrams of “a bowel flare” and “a gland surge,” respectively? (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

A. Cat toothpaste. Q. What is the first rung on the Death Wish ladder?  (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio) 

A. A bad name for an Ikea product. Q. What is the Fjallenapaart? (Bird Waring)

A Bad Name for an Ikea Product. Q. What is Softstool? (Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.)

A. Still a Googlenope. Q. What is “Daniel Synder fan fiction”? (Ward Kay, Vienna, Va.)

A. Sunset, Sunrise. Q. What do you get when you read the Hebrew translation of “Fiddler on the Roof” left to right? (Dave Airozo; Paul Elstein, Columbia, Md.)

A. A snickerdoodle. Q. What gets you fired during a meeting with Elon Musk?  (Michael Stein, Arlington, Va.) 

A. Still a Googlenope. Q. What is "cuddly Mitch McConnell plush toy"? (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) 

A. Cat Toothpaste. Q. What is Ultra Bite?  (Pam Shermeyer) 

A. Rutabaga Ginsburg. Q. Who was at the top of her class in slaw school? (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

A. A Leaf Blower and a Garden Slug. Q. What work, titled “Autumnal Meditation,” sold for $1.2 million after it was featured in a special exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum of Modern Art? (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

A. Cat Toothpaste. Q. What spoils the taste of cat orange juice when used first thing in the morning? (Greg Dobbins, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

A. The iPhone 29 Pro. Q. Our Lord and Master, by what name shall we useless humans refer to You? (Mark Raffman)

A. A Leaf Blower and a Garden Slug. Q. What are two cocktails one should never order? (Jeff Contompasis)

A. Even Ken Burns Wouldn’t Do This One. Q. What is “Even Slower Camera Pans and Sadder Fiddles”? (Frank Osen)

A. A Bad Name for an Ikea Product. Q. What is the Flymsï bookcase? (Frank Osen)

A. A leaf blower and a garden slug. Q. What do you need to make a “backyard bazooka”? (Bird Waring)

A. Vegan Bone Broth. Q. What is very expensive, totally organic, hot water? (Dave Airozo)

A. Vegan Bone Broth. Q. What makes a good base for kosher ham soup? (Judy Freed, Deerfield Beach, Fla.)

A. A Bad Name for an Ikea product. Q. What is the KLANSBACKA bedsheet series? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, Va.)

A. Even Ken Burns Wouldn’t Do This One. Q. What is “Bundling Home and Auto Insurance: The Documentary”? (Duncan Stevens)

A. Even Ken Burns Wouldn’t Do This One. Q. What is the miniseries "The Jews Run Hollywood”? (Andy Promisel)

A. A snickerdoodle: What new experimental dog breed is made in a chocolate lab? (Daniel Galef, Tallahassee, Fla.)

A. Cat Toothpaste. Q. What leaves mouths "mousy-fresh"? (Jeff Contompasis)

A. Cat Toothpaste. Q. What product can honestly claim it’s never been tested on animals? (Steve Smith)

A. Even Ken Burns Wouldn’t Do This One. Q. What is a 31-part, day-by-day examination of William Henry Harrison’s remarkable presidency? (Dave Airozo)

A. A Leaf Blower and a Garden Slug. Q. After the apocalypse, what will be the only things surviving in a suburban yard? (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

And Last: The Style Invitational mascot: What is a giant squid that still doesn’t give you ink?  (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.) 

(The subhead “Asky Characters” is by Jesse Frankovich; the honorable mentions subhed, “Missed Q’s,” is by Kevin Dopart)