Style Invitational Week 1497: The if-word
Give us a funny ‘what if’ scenario and result. Plus winning ‘feghoots’ -- groaner-pun stories.
What if M.C. Escher had designed the entrance to the Philadelphia Museum of Art? Rocky would still be climbing those steps. (Jesse Frankovich, 2018)
(Cartoon by by Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
—If you’re not yet getting this free newsletter by email (or if you got dropped because you didn’t expressly opt in since we moved over to Substack): By all means …
What if the 1972 Democratic Party headquarters had been in the Mayflower Hotel? Journalists would add “flower” to the end of any scandal: Iranflower, Whitewaterflower, Monicaflower, Flowersflower ... (Jerry Pannullo, 1998)
If you could change history — or the present. This week, for Week 1497, offer a “what if” scenario and its humorous result. Deadline is Monday night, July 25.
And we have some instant-classic winning feghoots (also called shaggy-dog stories), those absurd scenarios that culminate in a groaner pun. Like this honorable mention by Duncan Stevens:
At a glitzy early 1980s Hollywood gathering, the hosts planned to announce the names of all the attendees, but couldn’t decide on the order. When one suggested that Mark Hamill should precede Yul Brynner, another was horrified: “Luke before Yul? Eep!”
In judging this contest, the Empress read through about a thousand such feghoots — and figured out most of them. But some had her scratching her tiara. Can you figure them out? See some stumpers in my supplementary column The Style Conversational and leave the solution (or your best guesses) in the comments.
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LINKS TO …
This week’s Invitational column, Week 1497, with the results of Week 1493
The same column for non-subscribers (but do sign up — there are always great promotions going on!)
This week’s Style Conversational column
Paywall-free entry form for Week 1497
Still running -- deadline Monday night, July 21: For Week 1496, tell us what’s alike or different between any two of the 16 items on our wacky random list (including the recurring exam dream; borscht; being back at the office; a magnetometer; and a flushable wipe). Paywall-free entry form for the compare/contrast contest.
More ways to enjoy The Style Invitational and be part of the Loser Community:
Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook and the Devs will anagram your name every which way.
Also on Facebook, the Style Invitational Ink of the Day page presents one classic entry as a colorful graphic that's easy to share. "Like" the page to get it regularly on your news feed, or to scroll through the archives. bit.ly/inkofday.
And we have two seasons’ worth of the You're Invited podcast, half-hour episodes with host Mike Gips and various Invite luminaries. Catch all 18 episodes at bit.ly/invite-podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.
— Pat Myers, Empress of The Style Invitational, pat.myers@washpost.com (or just reply to this email)
*That's Loser with a capital L; named for the runner-up prizes emblazoned "LOSER," the community of regular Style Invitational entrants now proudly calls itself the Losers. If you enter the Invite, you're a Genuine Loser. But not (necessarily) a loser.